Sunday, December 6, 2009

Brett Favre, where is the Fountain of Youth?

As I woke up in the late afternoon for yet another "lazy Sunday", my first thought was "I wonder when Brett will be on TV". For Brett Favre to be doing what he is doing over the age of 40 is astounding. Not to say that life ends at 40, but your ability to sustain that level of punishment is supposed to be greatly diminished. Brett, have you signed the form to donate your body to science when you do depart this mortal coil? Seriously, future generations need to study what you're made of. Did Brett have adamantium grafted to his skeleton like Wolverine in a secret government experiment?

I love Cal Ripken, but the amount of punishment that a NFL Quarterback takes in a single game is roughly equivalent to the duress endured in 50 baseball games. I played hockey, football, and baseball in my adolescence. Baseball is fun, but football hurts. If you have never been smashed into by a 300 pound defensive lineman, I don't think that you can know the meaning of the word pain. I'm certain that childbirth is very painful, but if I had to choose between popping a watermelon out of my groin or being hit 100 times by Warren Sapp, I'd probably have to go with the watermelon. As a male I will never be faced with the childbirth pain, but I did once squeeze a terd out of my anus that had to be at least a 7 pounder... (that was a joke by the way, which usually elicits a chuckle from my 3 sisters who have all given birth to children)

Which returns me to the question, what is Brett Favre made of? Are his bones and ligaments made of a higher density, unbreakable material? He is closing in on 300 consecutive starts in the NFL. In 300 games, how many times has he been hit with the force of a tank? It would have to be 30,000 - 60,000. He has been hit that many times without a substantial bone break of ligament tear? And in his 40th year he has been able to for 3000 yards in 11 games with 24 TDs and only 3 interceptions? Okay, his mom had to have taken him as a baby and dipped infant Brett into the same fountain of immortality as Achilles. It is the most logical explanation... Wouldn't it be nice if they iscolated the "unbreakable gene" and could market it in pill form?

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