Gore Recruits Olbermann

It's funny, for as plugged in as I am to the politics of the day, I did not realize that Al Gore had his own cable channel. Now it would appear that the king of climate change is recruiting Keith Olbermann to be his new voice. Keith you might know was released from his job at the left leaning MSNBC, and is now looking for work. Enter Al Gore.

I would write more on this subject, but Rex Murphy has already composed a beautiful piece on the Gore-Olbermann marriage. It is a must read.

December Golf In Vancouver

It is the middle of December in Vancouver, and many golf courses are still open. Today I enjoyed a great round of golf at Burnaby Mountain, where it was warm, sunny, and the course was in excellent condition. Most of the rest of Canada is buried under several feet of snow, but we are still golfing in Vancouver. I actually played very poorly today, but that didn't matter because I was happy just to be taking the field. The length of the golf season in Vancouver is among the reasons that I am never moving back to Ontario. I end the 2010 golf season having not achieved my goal of breaking 100 in a round of par 72. Oh well, shit happens.

Tiger Woods "The Most Unfaithful Guy Of The Year"

Another November 26th has come and gone, the day of which in 2009 Tiger Woods crashed his car into a tree while his wife may or may not have been chasing him with one or more golf club(s). If you want a good laugh, what this Christmas song parody of Tiger Woods to get you in the spirit of the Holiday season. Do you think Tiger has paid a sufficient price for his indiscretions? It cost the man a fortune, both in the settlement and in endorsement deals. The Tiger Woods brand has stopped selling since this happened. It should cost him a least a billion dollars by the end of his career.

Tiger Collapsing

For those cheering for the demise of Tiger Woods golf career, this weekend must be delightful. Before this tournament Tiger was asked if he was asked to join the Ryder Cup Team as a captain's pick, would he go. Tiger defiantly said that he was going to play his way on to the team and qualify with a quality performance. Historically he plays very well on this course, but not this weekend. He has gone on to play one of the worst rounds of his career after confidently proclaiming that he was going to play his way on to the Ryder Cup Team. The irony is amusing, however I have found myself quietly cheering for Tiger this season now that he has faced some serious adversity and struggled. He seems more human now than he was before.

Taxing Seniors

I work at a golf course in Vancouver that is very popular with seniors, which now costs them $2 more per round than just a few days ago. Congrats Gordon Campbell, many pensioners on fixed incomes now have to pay more for their primary means of getting exercise. They added a tax to physical fitness. Nearly every consumer noticed the price increase and complained. Seniors on fixed incomes notice increases in consumption taxes more than regular working people, but seniors also vote in far greater numbers than their younger counterparts. They are not happy. Politicians across the country need to know that this is the most important voting demographic in their electoral careers. Act accordingly.

I fully supported the Conservative initiative to lower the GST, just as I am against adding provincial taxes to a Christmas basket of new goods and services. Like many Canadians, I enjoy spending money and I do not like when purchases cost more and I have less money in my wallet because of it. The inventor of modern economics Adam Smith once wrote: "consumption is the sole end and purpose of all production".

Why We Shouldn't Cry For Elin Woods

Elin Woods, Mrs Tiger, has been awarded a 750 million dollar settlement for her husband's infidelity, which should soften the emotional blow. The news on the radio is that she was given a little extra if she agreed to never speak publicly about their marriage. In May 2009 Forbes estimated Tiger's net worth at 600 million, and he lost a lot of endorsement money thus far in 2010 (and sat out the second half of 2009 with a knee injury). It appears on the surface that she has taken just about all of his money. That does seem excessive, especially considering Tiger was a more dominant golfer before the two were married. Unlike Mrs Michael Jordan, Elin can't claim any credit for any of the career success her husband had.

If Tiger just agreed to give away most of his material wealth as an act of penance, should we change our opinion of the man?

Phil Mickelson, the Tiger Slayer!

I would like to extend a fond congratulations to Phil Mickelson for winning his third Masters Championship, while his cancer battling wife watched from the gallery. Tiger hit a few fantastic shots, but he hit more bad shots than good shots, finishing far back of Lefty. I watched the whole round, and it was great television. If you aren't familiar with the story, when Phil's wife was diagnosed with cancer, he stopped playing golf to be by her side. This weekend she made the trip to Augusta Georgia, and was there when he sank his winning putt. Tiger on the other hand, struggled to maintain his composure throughout the round.

The better man won. For the first time in the history of my blog, a spontaneous golf conversation broke out in the comment section of a blog that had nothing to do with golf.

Bec said...
April 11, 2010 4:49 PM

o/t
What did you think of the Masters?
I think that Tiger could have been about 2 up from Mickelson and won had he wanted it bad enough. His mistakes were purely a lack of concentration, imo. A great match and an emotional favorite won. Terrific day!

Joanne (True Blue) said...
April 11, 2010 6:45 PM

What did you think of the Masters?

Very happy for Michelson and his family, Bec!

The_Iceman said...
April 11, 2010 6:51 PM

The Masters was outstanding! It would have been more dramatic with Tiget and Phil together in the last pair, but even as it was I enjoyed it. You really had to feel great for the winner.

Fay said...
April 11, 2010 8:01 PM

I was happy to see a gentleman like Michelson win. Tiger is no gentleman.

Tiger flies like an Eagle!

Through his first two days of competition since the destruction of his marriage and personal life, Tiger is sitting tied for third place, just two strokes back of the leader. Canadian Mike Weir is in 15th place, seven strokes behind. In the first round yesterday, Tiger Woods shot two eagles in one round; something few golfers will ever achieve at any point in their careers, let alone at the biggest tournament of the year after a prolonged absence amid personal upheaval. I am cheering for a Mickelson/Woods pairing on Sunday, as it is always must see TV when these two heated rivals have to play with each other. I am also a big fan of the mullet that Lefty is sporting to start the season. It would be nice to see Tiger have an epic meltdown on Sunday. Perhaps that could take some media attention away from Helena.

In my entire career, I have one eagle, and that was a hole in one on a par 3. Tiger had two in one round on one of the most challenging courses in the world. And for the record, I am not writing about Tiger to jump on a TMZ media bandwagon, but rather because I am a golf fanatic who played over 2000 holes last season. My goal this season is to break 100 in a round of par 72. I will on occasion blog about golf, and the most read post I wrote last season was a spooky incident at the start of a round played on Friday the 13th which I named The Nightmare at Northlands.

The Week of the Tiger

The Tiger has landed. With his arrival in Augusta Georgia, the week of the Masters, the week of the Tiger, has officially begun. Generally heading into the first major championship of the year, the question everyone asks is who will win, Tiger or the field? This year is unique because of the upheaval of his personal life while competing in a sport that requires very detailed mental concentration. Will he be thinking of the whispers in the gallery, or will he be focusing on his shot mechanics? Will Tiger lose that which makes him Tiger, or does his talent extend beyond the trials and tribulations of lesser mortals?

What will be for certain is that the 2010 Masters will be the most watched golf tournament in the history of golf. This story in today's "new media" with the advent of globalized instant communication will reach a larger audience on planet Earth than has ever been imagined by golf fanatics. Considering my favourite golfers are Phil Mickelson and Mike Weir, I will be cheering for Tiger to fail, as I always do. I am not going to suddenly start cheering for him because we found out that he liked getting laid.

WHO IS THE MALE ATHLETE OF THE DECADE?

Tiger Woods (35%)
Lance Armstrong (32%)
Roger Federer (9%)
Michael Phelps (8%)
Peyton Manning (7%)

Tiger Woods on South Park

I just finished watching the most recent episode of South Park, and it might be the most that I have ever laughed in a 30 minute comedy program. The write-up for the episode is "the nation's top scientists come together to put a stop to the recent phenomenon of rich, successful men who suddenly want to have sex with many, many women" featuring Elin channeling the Swedish Chef. Over the top? Perhaps, but even just the scene with the experiment with the chimps is well worth your time. This is yet another reason that I love South Park and it is consistent with my initial assessment of this Tiger Woods saga back on December 3rd.

The best part is that you can watch the episode for free on Comedy Central's website.

The Year of the Tiger

Happy Chinese New Year! Tis the year of the Tiger, ironically enough, as we look ahead to what is sure to be a compelling PGA season. "Show 'em you're a Tiger, show 'em what you can do! The taste of Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes, brings out the Tiger in you!" It is a strange coincidence that the year of the Tiger is being celebrated by the Chinese the same year that millions, if not billions of eye balls across the planet will be closely watching the most famous Tiger of them all...

Laughing at Spousal Assault

I was listening to the Charles Adler Show this evening, as I do most nights 7-9pm Pacific on CKNW 980 in Vancouver, I heard something that bothered me. He had on a legal expert to discuss the Tiger Woods Saga, and at one point she mentioned the possibility that Mrs. Woods had assaulted Tiger with his golf clubs and she had to pause for laughter. Adler caught on right away that it was completely inappropriate to laugh at that juncture, and jumped in to stipulate that spousal abuse is not funny had Tiger been assaulting his wife. Chuck never corrected her that it was wrong to laugh at assault with a deadly weapon period, but I trust that he does not condone it by any gender.

I'm not someone who is easily offended by certain types of jokes, like marketing a brand of Mrs. Woods golf clubs to sell to PGA golfers with the slogan "the only clubs that can beat Tiger." The reason that I felt compelled to write this post is because Adler and his legal expert were having a serious conversation about all Tiger's legal liabilities, suggesting his wife should be able to sue him for infidelity. Then when they get to what might be the most serious criminal offense alleged in the entire episode, the female legal expert starts laughing? Tiger is too embarrassed to talk about it, but we know that the police found golf clubs near the scene, and that Tiger left in a damned hurry and the man with among the best hand eye coordination on the planet then crashed into a hydrant? Neither side will confirm or deny that she struck or attempted to strike him, but the CSI team are investigating the wounds to see if they are consistent with being hit in the head with a golf club.

We may never know for sure if she assaulted him with his own clubs, but the possibility is being investigated. If he had physically assaulted her or was threatening her with physical violence prior to her picking up the club, then her use of it would have been in self defense and justifiable in a court of law. If however he was sitting in bed "sexting" with a hard on and she flew off the handle, grabbed his 9 iron and started swinging, she should be charged with a criminal offense. Golf clubs are considered to be a deadly weapon because you can inflict serious damage with them. Infidelity should have negative consequences, but assault with a deadly weapon is not one of them.

Fine, you can discuss whether possibly spreading STDs to your spouse should be a criminal offense, which is legitimate debate. But if you are going to have a serious discussion on all the dozens of ways Tiger could or should be charged, don't then laugh at the most serious charge in the list of possible occurrences. I am assuming that Mrs. Woods did not have any cuts or bruises, because I assume that would be one of the first things that police would look for when investigating a domestic incident. If it were proven that Tiger had physically assaulted his wife prior to her picking up a club, all bets are off and Tiger should face criminal charges. If he never even touched her and she assaulted him because he was habitually horny, then she should face criminal charges.

What if she had struck Tiger in the head and he dropped dead? Would the legal expert on the Adler show have been laughing? Why would a legal expert offering a professional opinion start laughing at a serious criminal allegation that could possibly have resulted in death? In defense of Adler, he did not laugh at all, in fact he responded quite seriously and started dropping stipulations and backpedaling. He knew right away that his legal expert should not have acted that way in that situation. This one little exchange did bother me, but I am still a citizen of Adler Nation and I will be back! Roughly 70% of my audience considers Charles Adler to be the best opinion pundit in Canada.

I thought that the rest of Adler Online was fantastic. Adler is my favourite when he talks about politics, economics, and history, but not so much when he talks about the best coffee machine to buy or talking to strangers. I think Chuck might still hold a grudge against me because I once complained about spending an entire hour of his show on talking to strangers. Mr. Adler then spent a show debating whether he should have spent an hour discussing making small talk with strangers.

But I keep coming back the very next day…

Show Them You're a Tiger!

I am a fan of Tiger Woods. When I first saw the news of the car accident, it said that he was not hurt so I didn't really give it much thought. He's fine, no big deal. I was much more concerned about the round of golf that I was going to play that day. Now we find out that he was likely "sexting" one of his many mistresses while in bed with his beautiful wife, and that she may have chased him out of the house swinging one of Tiger's clubs. Those Scandinavians are normally very mellow, but they have the ability to snap and unleash their "inner Viking".

Now that more people are talking about the latest twists in the story, I still don't care. I don't care how many broads he wants to bang, just so long as they are of legal age and it is consensual. Aside from that, I don't care how often he wants to "take his dink and sink it in da pink" (Brocket 99). If he wants to risk losing ungodly amounts of money in a public divorce, then that is his risk to take. Show me any athlete who is the best at what he does and is worth a billion dollars, and I will show you a man who gets offered more casual sex with more gorgeous women than any regular civilian could even dream of. The average brain cannot even begin to fathom how many women want to share a bed with Tiger Woods. As Adam Carolla said on his podcast yesterday "at the end of the day, he has a dick and balls".

I say show 'em you're a Tiger! But to Misses Woods, I say the Iceman is available. I can't imagine a better way to get revenge than to take half of Tiger's money and hook up with an obscure Canadian blogger. I golf, albeit my best score is a 105 with 8 mulligans, but I did once sink a hole in one.

Think about it...the offer is out there...

Golf Poetry Jam

We have been busy golfing the past few days, and I wrote a little poetry about the beautiful game.

We ventured out onto the course,
crushing balls with full force.
On hole two it was really sweet,
when I sank my putt from 20 feet.

Hole #3 was not as nice,
when my ball slid out on the ice.
On hole #4 something did disturb my niche,
that bombing raid by a hundred geese.

A flock bombarded our attempts at valour,
by coming at us like the Japs at Pearl Habour!
As disastrous as the wars of Punic,
I'm losing more balls than a eunuch.

The game of golf is not as fun,
when staring directly into the sun.
It is another terrific day,
to get on the course and play!

The ground last night it did freeze,
on the boulevard of broken tees!
My bad aim, I rescind,
as I'm running against the wind.

My hybrid iron was my nifty pick,
to ride captain ride to the 150 stick
That is all I have to say for now,
But I'll be back tomorrow with a pow!

Robyn Williams on the Scottish People Inventing Golf

As a golfer of Scottish ancestry, this might be the funniest clip that I have ever seen! I literally fell on the floor laughing when my parents introduced me to it. In addition to being a Scot, I am also obsessed with golfing. I have played approximately 1500 holes in 2009. I had never quite thought about the creative process that led to the creation of the sport in Scotland circa the 15th century. It is possible that Robin's comedic interpretation of how this invention occurred may indeed be historically accurate. My forefathers were still living in Scotland when it happened.

I am praying for some global warming to melt the snow on the ground in Salt Lake City so that I can get out on the course. Otherwise I paid Delta $50 to transport my clubs for no purpose.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcnFbCCgTo4

The Nightmare at Northlands

On Friday the 13th, I had an interesting experience on the golf course at the Northlands Golf and Country Club in North Vancouver with some of my friends. Normally I walk the course, but my buddies wanted to cart it so I caved in. Buddy goes into the Clubhouse to get the keys, where he is told by the kid inside that we have to drive on the cart path. The reason that you can't drive on the course is because the mud under the grass is too wet and weak for tires to get any traction. It would be like driving on a "slip and slide". So my friend forgets to tell me that we have to stay on the cart path, I hit a great tee shot 200 yards, hopped in my cart and took off after my ball. Above is the picture that I took moments before my departure. The hill in front of me is at about a 30 degree down slope and carries for about 50 yards.

From the moment when all 4 tires were on grass, I start spinning out of control like Darth Vader's Tie Fighter after the Death Star blows up. I quickly realize that I'm screwed if the cart starts to roll, so I jumped out, stuck the landing and hit the ground running right beside the cart. Within about 1.5 seconds of my feet touching down, I realize two things: 1) I am now running down a "slip and slide" and have no more control of my trajectory than the cart does, and that my risk of harm is now higher because I'm waltzing with a golf cart down a "slip and slide" and I could end up on the mud and have the out of control vehicle run me over. 2) My golf clubs are attached to the cart and if the cart goes down, my clubs could be mortally wounded. This is not an option. I would rather tear an ACL than lose a golf club. I have a strict policy on the golf course of "no club left behind".

I need to get back into the golf cart to ensure that the weight is properly distributed such that the cart does not tip over. At this point, I feel like I'm channelling Indiana Jones, or as Ricky might say, Indianapolis Jones. In a couple quick steps I am back in the cart leaning my weight against the slide. Roll to a stop, I am able to regain control and drive to the cart path. Needless to say, I did not play the next few holes well. My friend had assumed that I knew about the safety hazard and cart rules because I had played the course before, though when I go solo I walk the course.

I did write some freelance poetry to describe my round. My friends and I play friendly match play and stroke play. We don't wager money like some people do, we play for pride and love of the game. Northlands is a beautiful course, but I have written about that before.

I was not informed of the wrath,
of driving off of the cart path.
My eyes they did open wide,
when I rode that slip and slide!

By hole number two my game it is collapsing,
as near death experiences are not relaxing!
Three holes played, I'm down by five,
I'm fighting just to stay alive!

By hole five I am down by seven,
from this Hell, I know no heaven.
Out of the darkness, I search for light,
I must not give in, but stay and fight!

Then I began slaying balls like a lion,
when I first reached for my four iron!
Though it does not feel as great,
as when I'm reaching for my eight!

My fans did cheer from afar,
when on hole 8, I sank my par!
I must reach into my bag of tricks,
with nine holes played, I'm down by six.

What once was dark is bright again,
I gained back 4 strokes on hole ten.
The next few holes are back and forth,
but I won't quit in these lands of North.

Three strokes down with three to play,
good fortune needs to come my way!
My feet are soaked right through the soles,
but I still sank par on the next two holes!

By the last green victory is certain,
I take my bow before the curtain.
I don't feel poor, I feel divine,
We count the score, I won by nine...

Blame it on the rain

The theme music for Friday's round of golf was brought to you by rock sensations Milli Vanilli. It was cold and raining on this dreary Vancouver day, but I needed a golf fix and was willing to brave the elements. Thousands of years ago my ancestors migrated to the northern part of Europe on the North Sea, so I like to say that I was genetically engineered by the process of natural selection for cold weather survival. Just wrap me in fleece, and I'm fine. As a descendant of Scottish lineage, I loves me some fleece!

Because the rain was pouring down, I decided not to keep score and take as many mulligans as I pleased. I was practically the only one on the course anyway, so anytime I duffed a shot I'd sing a riff from blame it on the rain and drop a new ball. "Whatever you do, don't put the blame on you!" People forget how popular that song was in my formative years, at least while people thought Milli Vanilli were signing it. At one point I put together a streak of fantastic shots on three successive holes, and I felt like that old man from the original Caddyshack. He goes out in the rain with Bill Murray as his caddy and plays the best round of his life. As the storm gets worse, the better he plays. Then at one point the man sinks a long putt and looks up at the heavens to thank God when he gets struck by lightning. Bill Murray puts down the guy's bag and sneaks off. I hope he at least went to call for an ambulance and that's why he snuck off.

Wildlife sightings were minimal today. No bald eagles or cougars, but I did see a Heron and a bizarre species of duck.

France French

Sunday I played a round of golf and was paired with a very nice gentleman from France. When he made reference to himself as "French" I asked "France French or Quebec French"? Evidently he gets asked that question a lot. We continued with a very interesting conversation on the differences between France and Quebec, such as how the Quebecois have developed a distinct accent. He spoke of the Quebecois as though it were a younger sibling. When I asked him about his thoughts on Quebec Separation he had a fantastic answer; "it doesn't make any sense, Canada is one of the greatest countries in the world and they should be happy to be a part of it."

I wish that I had brought a tape recorder to record that opinion in the cool French accent that delivered it. As for my round of golf, I played one of my better rounds of the year. I could only get in 9 holes before the sun set, but I shot a 49 on a par 36. That would have projected to 98 on a full par 72. I have never scored under 100. My personal best is 110. The key to my Sunday round was my hybrid iron. I was all-hybrid-all-the-time until I got to the 150 yard marker. My driver, 3, 5, and 9 never left the bag. I continue to struggle out of tee box and rely on my ability to hit greens with my 8 iron and pitching wedge.

"California Dreaming" at the Northlands Golf and Country Club

Today I golfed my very first round at the breathtaking Northlands Golf and Country Club, and the soundtrack to my round was courtesy of the Mama's and the Papa's. It had been raining for half the day, but it cleared up long enough to get in a round. I had been postponing my first trip to Northlands for when the cold weather rates kicked in. Even with a half day of rain, a freezing gale force wind, sand traps that were like golfing in the Bay of Fundy; it was still an absolutely majestic experience.

This course is carved out of the base of the mountains, has beautiful rolling hills on their fairways, abundant wildlife, and giant old growth pine trees. The fairways were wet, so the ball often stopped where it landed. That is great on greens, but not fairways. I assigned myself a few extra mulligans on account of the foul weather, and managed to shoot a 111. For me that is an excellent round. Most of my par 72 rounds are in between 110 - 125.

On the 5th hole, I saw two Bald Eagles combing the area on a low level flight, later followed by another. Then on the back nine we saw two more Bald Eagles! I was scrambling for my camera while I had a shot, and this was the best that I could do. I saw herons, many ducks, 3 species of frog, but no deer or cougar. It adds to the tranquility to golf on a course with a vibrant ecosystem, and Northlands is built in the steppes of the coastal mountains. I could only imagine how magnificent my experience would have been had I played there in July instead of the end of October.

I would love to go back to Northlands this season, but I don't know how much playable light and playable grass that they have left. At a higher altitude they will get more snow and daylight savings murders the golf season. Hopefully next season I will be able to afford playing the top of the line courses in the beautiful greater Vancouver Area!

My 8 Iron Vs My Wedges

I have isolated a core audience or 20-40 people who enjoy reading my golf stories, so I have to keep them trickling in. Saturday I got off of work with 2 hours of playable daylight and sunny weather. I opted for a pitch and putt to work on my short game, and I could get in a full 18 holes, 1700 yards for $10. Most of the holes are 80-120 yards. I spent Friday at the driving range working nothing but my long distance clubs. It was chilly, and there was nobody in front of me or behind me. For the back nine, I decided that I would try an experiment. I would play two golf balls, one with only my wedges and one with only my 8 Iron. I even coloured one ball in my bag with my black magic marker such that it would look like a billiards 8 ball.

This is about as much fun as you can have golfing alone. Sometimes your friends bail on you for such asinine reasons as rearing young children. The nerve. I still had a fantastic day, as my wedges went shot for shot with my beloved 8-Iron. My putter was Switzerland. Anything on the green was a putter. It went back and forth, including a miraculous 20 yard chip shot with my 8. For the par 27 back nine, my wedges shot a 32, and my 8 Iron shot a 33. My putter was decidedly better to my wedges.

I am golfing at an undisclosed location tomorrow. I don't think this place will let me play wearing my hockey jersey. I'll wear a fleece just incase it rains and global cooling continues.