Braveheart

This evening the History Channel aired the film Braveheart, arguably my favourite film of all time as a person of predominantly Scottish ancestry. But I have to say, the historical accuracy of this film is flawed at best. As I have researched some of the story, I am miffed at Mel for butchering the actual historical events. I happen to have the same last name as one of the noble families in the film, as my family name is one of the most common in Scotland. Though my dad once listened to Scottish born Canadian tell him that our ancestors are "just a bunch of f*@king lowlanders."

Here are my 3 biggest complaints about Braveheart:

1) William Wallace riding into the bedroom of a Scottish noble on a horse. Guaranteed that never happened. If Wallace indeed snuck into the room and killed the man as he slept, there is no way he did it on a horse. That scene is ridiculous.

2) Mel Gibson butchered the battle of Sterling Bridge. It didn't happen even close to how it was depicted in the movie. Mel thought it would be a better movie his way, but there is little to no historical accuracy to his version of that battle.

3) The biggest joke is that Edward the Longshanks lived on for 2 years after Wallace was executed. To have the Princess whisper in his ear that she was pregnant with Wallace's child was insane. Even if he lost the ability to speak, guaranteed the King knew how to read and write. He couldn't have written on a piece of paper that the future Queen was pregnant with Wallace's baby over a two year period? In fact, I am willing to bet that the entire romance with the Princess was fabricated for theatrical purposes.

What If Paul Martin Had Retained Power In 2006?

How would Canada be different today if Paul Martin had been allowed to retain power in 2006? I find it odd that a party in the British system of government can be just a few seats away from forming a majority, and yet not be allowed to form government. We have a British system in Canada, except that the party who wins the most seats forms government. If we were exactly British, then Paul Martin would have been allowed to form government in 2006 despite being handily defeated by the Tories. Could you imagine the horror? More Britons voted for a Conservative than any other party, and yet the first loser may get to retain power? This doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

It does appear as though David Cameron is going to form government, unless talks with the Liberal-Democrats break down. In that case, Gordon Brown will have the opportunity to retain power, which I'm sure will upset many Britons who voted Tory. I am interested to know why this rule over hung Parliaments is different in Canada than the mother ship. Was it always this way, or did we have some frightening circumstance where a Stephane Dion was able to rise to power despite not getting a mandate from the people?

Can I say, that I am ashamed of my ancestral homeland of Scotland. Despite an absolutely abysmal campaign by Gordon Brown who has been inept as Prime Minister, Scotland actually voted in greater proportion for Labour in 2010 than 2005. There is one Conservative MP among 58 in Scotland. I am not as proud of my Scottish lineage today as I was yesterday. Boo Scotland!

The Irish and Scottish

Tonight's Saint Patrick's Day poll question is do you think there is any significant difference between the Scottish and the Irish; be they born across the pond or ancestors of those who crossed it? My Scottish forefathers made the boat trip quite a long time ago so I am more Canadian than Scottish, but the blood still pumps through my veins. I can remember celebrating Saint Patrick's Day (most especially in University), and even though Patty was the patron saint of Ireland, it is a day where as a Scot you feel like honorary Irish.

I spent most of my life not ever really thinking about my Scottish genealogy, until I saw the movie Braveheart. After Braveheart, I was much more proud of my history. Too bad Mel turned out to be a nut. I also know from introducing my genealogy to people in related conversations who do not hail from the British Isles, they generally do not distinguish a difference between the Celtic peoples. If you have an opinion on this issue, what do you think is the biggest difference between Scots and Irish? Today I was out on the golf course with my friend and we had this discussion in light of the occasion. The best difference I had was that the Scottish invented economics and the Irish invented beer, though both races are well known for their alcohol consumption.

I did quote Dennis Leary today.

I Remember the Battle of Stirling Bridge

I would like to take a moment to remember one of the most decisive victories by the Scottish ancestors in my attic. In 1297, a British force 12,000 strong set out to crush a smaller Scottish force of about 3,000 infantry. The depiction in Braveheart does not represent how the actual Battle unfolded. Mel chose to call it "Stirling Ridge" and completely ignores the bridge for cinematic purposes. The British forces needed to cross a river to get at the Scottish rabble, and the only real option was the Stirling Bridge.

Rather than attempt to hold and defend the Bridge, William Wallace pulled back and allowed a large number of English cavalry and archers to cross the narrow bridge, splitting key components of the British Northern Army. Once the optimal number of Englishmen had crossed, the Scots rushed the bridgehead with many giant spears and cut off the forces from each other. When the dust settled, the English suffered 70%-90% casualties, and the rest fled back to England. Scotland was free from English domination until Edward gathered his army and marched to Falkirk. The Edwards were quite obsessed with ruling Scotland, and Stirling Bridge was a major setback.

British Invasion

Evidently the royal family making a trip to Canada counts as a really big news story. I hope that they enjoy their visit to Canada and remember to cough into their sleeves. Perhaps it is because of my Scottish ancestry that I was pre-programmed with skepticism of the British Crown; and Patrick McGoohan's portrayal of Edward the Longshanks really clinched it. "The trouble with Scotland is that it's full of Scots!" Then I researched the sons of Edward and their 100 years war, and any affinity that I may have felt for the Monarchy was vanquished. Though let me say, I give the British lots of credit for the 20th century, the World Wars in particular. Winston Churchill remains my favourite politician that ever lived.

I remember during the last World Cup of soccer, I decided to annoy my British co-worker (who enjoyed alleging that I sleep with sheep) by rooting for France. I repeatedly spoke to him in French throughout the tournament. By the end of the tournament, a group of 15 workers at our site were sitting around during a coffee break when the Englishman said:

"Portugal cost England the World Cup"

I responded with;

"Genetics cost England the World Cup"

There was an awkward pause of about 10 seconds, and then the entire job site erupted in laughter. There was a lot of entertainment value in the Brit/Scot rivalry. I still say that my Prime Minister is my head of state.

Of Scots and Sheep...

I have a question. Why is it that any time I proudly pronounce my Scottish genealogy to an Englishman in a competitive work environment, I am then subjected to allegations of sexual acts with sheep? Personally, I do not experience any form of sexual arousal in the presence of farm animals, but what is the story behind this urban legend that Scottish people are more likely to have sex sheep than any other culture? Why not goats? Germans are into a lot of kinky stuff in the bedroom, so why are they not accused of going out to the barn to "clean the pipes"?

I brought up this subject with my buddies on the golf course the other week, and we talked about it for 3 holes, 25 minutes. The question was, is there something in the Celtic DNA whereby sheep emit some form of pheromone that elicits arousal in Celtic males, or was there simply a period in Scotland where there were an over abundance of young single males and sheep where this stereotype became folklore?

By the way, if you are Celtic and offended, I am 75% Celtic and 25% German (and by Celtic I mean a combination of Scotland and Ireland, the DNA is not far apart). I am allowed to ask these questions. I have been subjected to the jokes, but farm animals don't turn me on. I have had co-workers allege that I have sex with sheep for no other reason than I am of Scottish ancestry.

Discuss